Your Occasional Round-up of Beatrice and Arthur Quotes

Beatrice

"It's not fair that people don't like Hades, he's just doing his job."

Beatrice solved a simple arithmetic problem and declared, "I am Paul Erdös!"

Beatrice made up a story where a child is bitten by red ants and starts to cry and his mother says, "Well, what can I say? These things happen sometimes," which I love because that is exactly what I would say if one of my children were bitten by red ants.

Beatrice was sitting in the corner reading while I was volunteering at the school book fair. Suddenly she stood up in the middle of the fair, panicked, and shouted, "Mom! Mom! Tell me about the heat death of the universe!"

Beatrice composed a piano song called, "Gloomy Night, Tangle of Stars."

"I would draw Jesus and God, and God would be just an outline that I would draw with a clear crayon, because God is a spirit."

Beatrice, reciting the story, "An old lady swallowed an owl. Can you imagine it? Imagine it NOW."

Beatrice, thoughtfully and out of nowhere, at the park: "If I could choose between dying or living forever, I would choose to die."

Arthur

Arthur: When you're angry at someone, you should not let the sun set on your anger.
Summer: That's good advice, where did you hear that?
Arthur: From a movie. So if you love someone, you can't let the sun set if you're still angry at them. [pause] So how do you prevent the sun from setting?

Arthur, with a list of demands for what he wanted to do that day: It's a little chilly, so I'd like to go to a playground that's indoors, has a covered parking garage, and where I can learn and play.
Summer: Why does it have to have a covered garage?
Arthur: I don't want to get chilly walking from the car to the playground. Also, not Giggles n Hugs, the noises there are too loud for me, I can't concentrate.

Also, every time Arthur tells on Beatrice or William, he prefaces it with, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but . . . " as in, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but William was playing with Beatrice's dollhouse."

Beatrice and I were talking in the car when Arthur shouted, "STOP EVERYTHING! I'm going to tell you how a seed grows."

Arthur kept begging me to get him a treat at Target until I told him to absolutely stop asking for anything.
Arthur (singing): Can I have a treat? Can I have a treat? . . .
Summer: Stop asking for something!
Arthur: I'm not asking, I'm singing, this is a song.
Summer: No it's not, you're just asking for something by singing.
Arthur: No, I didn't write this song, this is a Beyoncé song. [then singing] "Can I have a treat? This is Beyoncé talking..."

Arthur, to me: "Let me ask you a question: did you want us to hate this dinner? Then why did you put the most disgusting ingredients in it?"

After I asked Arthur to share his toys with a rowdy boy, he said haughtily, "Sharing is for my friends, and he is definitely not my friend."

Arthur was listing all the things he wants - I don't remember why. But it included action figures, a waterslide at his birthday party, and dinner at Fuddrucker's. I asked him if there was anything else and he said, "Well, I've never been on a fire truck..."

And this, which might be the most Arthur thing he has ever said - he was pretending to be a superhero named Mr. Superhero. I made up a scenario for him to pretend to save someone, and he sighed and said, "It's the weekend, some other superhero will handle it."

Later he pretended to be an archaeologist who wasn't working because it was Sunday. He explained he doesn't work on weekends, on Passover, or on Pajama Day (the day they wear pajamas to his preschool).

Beatrice and Arthur

Arthur, getting dressed in the morning: Beatrice, am I beautiful?
Beatrice, wearily: Yes, Arthur.
Arthur: Okay, but how beautiful?

There is a book of ghost stories in Arthur and Beatrice's room and every night they have a battle, shifting it from the Fiction to the Nonfiction shelf and back again. They also think that moving the book makes it so, so when they're feeling brave they will move it to the NF shelf until they scare themselves and move it back.

And this, which I think perfectly encapsulates how Beatrice and Arthur are different. The kids were mad at Dev because he and Travis went to Din Tai Fung without them.
Arthur told me I could probably do better and should consider marrying someone else.
Beatrice suggested - casually, without malice - that we should "smash [Dev's] brain, because his brain is what makes these bad thoughts."