The Class Clown

William loves to make jokes.

Neither Beatrice nor Arthur really made jokes as a baby (Arthur was always extremely charming but not funny per se).  But while William still barely talks (he only says a few words, and rarely) he is constantly laughing and trying to make others laugh.

Here are two of his favorite bits - pulling his shirt over his head, and pretending to hand you something and then snatching it back.

Manifestos

Beatrice has taken to writing long manifestos every day on all manner of topics (as well as letters to her favorite authors and people like Jane Goodall).

 

A few of my favorites:

 

 

 

Forces:

Gravity keeps the earth from going into space. Friction slows things down. Mechanical forces are made by your own hand! The mechanical forces are pushing and pulling. We love love love forces! Horay for the forces! Ya! The End. P.S. Look for more online. The End.

 

 

 

Newton's laws

An object eating his favorite candy-bar waching a movie at home or is having a nap wants to keep doing what hes doing, and a object at play tends to keep playing unless a force stops it.

 

 



The Baby
A note from the author: This tale is Sleeping Beauty. So here it comes.
Beatrice

The Qeen gave birth to a baby, but she will die! that bad wich! The qeen and king were very scared. They had to hide her. The witch wiuld kill her! It was bad enough they almost fel right out of there thrones. They did not want her to die. But she wiuld. No one liked the sound of that. But, true loves kiss she will be fine. The End.
P.S. Look for more online. The End.

 

The Tale of Fun Facts

We all live with air water and sun. That's why most fish live in the sunlight zone. We will starve without food, so we have food. Earth is graet! The End.

 

 

The Tale of Liveing

You have air water and sun! All you need to live! Evreyone needs air water and sun. You love living so do not hurt the earth, or you will die. Be happy living!

 

 

 

 

This tale is about: even more fun facts!

Fish are considered food for us. so that's why in Jaws* the shark ate the fishrmen. Eveyone knows he's not nice at all. I would kill him. Any-way, it not nice to say kill. Well, I do not like that part. Back to facts, it's not real.

Fish need to protect them-selves to live. The flying fish fly into the sky to protct them. Jellyfish sting and crabs put sea-urchins on there backs. We love fish! Fish are graet to eat and look at. Fish are good for you! Besids, fish tast graet! Yum! I love fish! They are yummy! The End.

P.S. Look for more online. The End.







 

 

From a fan letter to Mary Pope Osborne, the author of The Magic Treehouse series: "I wish I could sneak into your house and steal all your books without you ever noticing."

Her long, unfinished letter to Jane Goodall begins, "Why do you love chimps so much?"


A love note to herself



Most of them end this way: "P.S. look for more online. The End."

 

* She's never seen Jaws, of course, but we told her about the plot.

Mini Vacation and New Tattoo

Last weekend I got away for a short vacation to see my family.  I flew up to Oakland and met my sister there.  I had dinner with my old friend Bill and his boyfriend Philip, spent some time with Gillian in the East Bay, then the two of us drove together to Reno (stopping in Sacramento to have lunch with Gillian's friend Eric and then spend two hours shopping in a circus-themed novelty store).

 

The contents of my carry-on bag (minus my laptop)

Then I spent the next two days with Gillian, Sam, and my parents, celebrating my mom's birthday, and touring the impressive taxidermy collection at the Wilbur D. May Center.  

 

Visiting Andromache, who's now 16 years old

Gillian and I also got matching tattoos:

The results are in!

And they're surprising.  The shelter where we adopted Sancho thought he was a Chihuahua/Dachshund cross, but the DNA test revealed he's in fact mostly a Miniature Pinscher*, mixed with a little English Cocker Spaniel and Lhasa Apso.

I have to say I was a little disappointed - somehow I liked the idea of having a Dachshund - but Dev is delighted, among other things because the breed's German name, Zwergpinscher, means "dwarf-biter."

Our other dogs' results are here.

Dwarf-biter

* Interestingly, I learned that the Miniature Pinscher is not simply a miniaturized Doberman Pinscher, as I had believed. They are in fact a separate breed that was actually developed before the Doberman.

Arthur Writes His Name

Arthur's learning to write his name. And Boo's name, too.

 

Beatrice actually taught Arthur how to write "Boo" overnight in their room.

You can see B's first time writing her name here. (Interestingly, she was almost exactly the same age as Arthur at the time.)

William is Walking!

William took his first independent steps almost a month ago, when he got up and took eight steps at Kidspace*. However, he would only walk intermittently from then on, and never on video.

Over the last few days, though, he's progressed from taking a few steps here and there to walking consistently all day long - and I finally got it on video, too!

 

 And climbing, too:

* Kidspace is also where William learned to crawl. Apparently he finds Kidspace very inspiring.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Of course, Dev's biggest Valentine's Day surprise arrived early this year, but we all continue to be excited about Sancho, who is so far a very sweet and obedient dog.

 

 

Dev made Sancho his own hand-braided collar and customized tactical vest, with handle.

My other big present for Dev was totally renovating his home office - photos soon!

On the holiday itself, I also gave him this box of chocolates, with all the candy removed and replaced with beef jerky.

"We cadaver be apart!"

I replaced the standard Russell Stoves cover with a picture of the synthetic cadaver Dev recently met at a medical devices engineering convention.

As for the kids - I took the lead on making Arthur's class valentines, dinosaur erasers for all his friends.

Arthur's class valentines

Beatrice made her own valentines this year - she filled bags with glitter pens, stickers, and notepads, and then decorated each bag individually - it took her several days to finish all the bags.

 

Notice the heart-shaped owl.

And then the kids made these cool melted crayon heart valentines for their family members. To make them, you just fill silicone baking molds with broken, unwrapped crayons and put them in the oven at 200F until they melt, around 20 minutes.

And of course, both kids had class parties.

On the evening of the 14th, Dev and I went to a secret (literally) underground party held in the steam tunnels beneath Caltech, then out for Chinese food in the San Gabriel Valley.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

Take that, Radiolab!

What has studying the infinite complexity of the indifferent universe taught you about yourself and your personal relationships?

Check me out on Medium skewering popular science journalism.

* Just kidding, guys.

What I've Been Up To This Month

A few of the projects I'm doing these days:

I've been working with startup Evertoon to create short, funny YouTube videos that showcase their text-to-video app. The first one was posted here just in time for Valentine's Day.

I'm also continuing to do content writing for the smart home automation company Cliqk, as well as maintaining their social media accounts.

I'm now helping out 826LA writing product copy for their awesome Time Travel Mart - look for Tiny Tim's Instant Gruel and Lil' Gutenberg's Moveable Type Kit soon.

My very best assignment, though, is definitely working with Mat Laibowitz on his projects, Endgame and Midnight Madness, researching, writing, and testing scavenger hunt puzzles.

In addition to these regular assignments, I'm writing pieces for The Toast and McSweeney's, plus publishing on Medium. My most recent piece on Medium is here. Another one should be out this week. (And amazingly my last Medium piece, You Have Plenty of Time to Love Them Later, is now at over 207,000 views - thank everyone so much for their support and kind words!)

I'm also working on a new comedy series, "The Best Places to Get Free Coffee in Los Angeles."

I haven't started revising my play The Nightmare Box yet, but I will definitely start doing that any day now.

Also, I've been thinking over the possibility of a novel, a modern retelling of Flaubert's comedy Bouvard et Pécuchet about internet culture. I'm still in the reading and research stage, but feeling excited.

And last but definitely not least - Hot Dish brunch is back! Join us Sunday, March 29th to hear readings by Dorothy Fortenberry, James Hannaham, Ana Kasparian, J.J. Keith, and Samantha Powell.

An early Valentine's present for Dev

Introducing our new dog, Sancho!

 

Our friend (and inveterate dog lover) Melissa Sarrett was out driving on January 26 when she found this little dog running around lost in the street, nearly getting hit by passing cars. She got him into her car but she was unable to keep him herself because she has two greyhounds that consider all tiny dogs to be prey.  So she very reluctantly turned him over to the Los Angeles East Valley Shelter in Van Nuys. 

 

Melissa took these pictures of him after she picked him up and put him in her car:

 

 

He had no collar or microchip; the shelter tried to find his owner without success.  After no one claimed him, he went up for adoption on Saturday.

 

Dev really liked the dog and thought about taking him but then we decided three dogs would be too many. But I could tell Dev really wanted him - and Melissa wanted him to go to a good home, too.  So I secretly went to the shelter that Saturday and adopted him, then picked him up and brought him home on Monday after he was neutered.

 

His gift tag reads, "Love is a Burden."

 

The shelter identified him as a Dachshund/Chihuahua mix, which looks about right, but we ordered a DNA test to confirm. He weighs 10 lbs and is around 2 years old.

 

He's housebroken but doesn't know sit, stay, etc. We signed him up for an obedience class that starts Thursday (yeah, yeah, I know - but at least that way we can say we tried). So far he hasn't manifested any bad habits except begging for food, but then, we'll have to wait and see what happens when he gets a little more comfortable ...

He likes to perch on things like a cat.

Before agreeing to take Sancho, I worried about Shackleton and Cromwell.  Would a new dog be too stressful for them, especially now that they're getting older? Would they feel jealous, like they were being replaced? Or maybe the opposite would happen, and the presence of a peppy younger dog would give them newfound energy and excitement?

 



Taking a walk tied to Cromwell



Well, so far Sancho has never ruined their lives nor resurrected them.  They accepted him with mildly positive indifference.  Sancho really wants Cromwell to play with him and Cromwell wants to be left alone to sleep - though Sancho has forced Cromwell to go a little faster on walks, which is probably good for that overweight dog.

 

Sancho loves the kids and they love him, though I do worry a little about them being too rough with him because despite his youth and good health, he seems a little fragile - but then, Cromwell wasn't that much bigger than 10lbs when we first got him, either.

 

So - I'm still holding my breath a little bit, but unless something goes awry in the next few days, it looks like we have a new dog!